things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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