You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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