yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
