The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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