everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
