Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
