Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize
