I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
