we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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