it's too hot outside to masturbate.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
