forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
