those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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