I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
