I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
