i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
