whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
