How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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