My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
