how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
