I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i just wanna soil my oats bro
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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