The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
