My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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