What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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