Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
