She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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