Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
