i wish peter jackson would direct porn
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
