Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
