I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Randomize
