NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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