does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
