It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
