thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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