and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
whose ass print is on the piano?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
