I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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