I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
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