i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
