wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
