i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize
