I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Houston, we have a squirter
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
