Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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