I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Mom said you looked used
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
