I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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