physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
