I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
