i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
