do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
