The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
