She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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