Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Randomize
