the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
