she woke up with a sticky ear
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
