My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
A+ Viking dick
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