I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
