Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I don't deserve a penis
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
