I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I would fuck him just for his dog
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