dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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