The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
