We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
