So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
