tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
