3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
